I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
