sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
