Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
