Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I can't put those talents on a resume
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
