I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
NoShamevember. You game?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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