he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
