so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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