his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
