My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
