pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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