its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
