I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
whose ass print is on the piano?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
