DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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