love makes seman taste better
nutella sex= disaster
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
How's work?
Spinning.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
