I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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