She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
