we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
