Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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