I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
