last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
