My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
