his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
