I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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