i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
