I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
