...so i touched it.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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