If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
