apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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