Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
My hand turned me down
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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