So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
