im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
