I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
