I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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