You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
