I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
