We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
