I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
