Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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