will power is for people who don't want to get laid
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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