Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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