I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Is it penis luge time yet?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
