Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
