Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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