Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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