I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
When did angry sex become our thing?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
