If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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