dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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