did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
