I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
