if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
