k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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